Alright! feeling so much hurting, heart breaking and i don't even know what is the reason behind it. yes, you can call me bitch,sluts or whatsoever. But i'm just being myself. Officially giving up to fall in love again. I like another guy now but he seems to also be those very friendly type that won't fall for me de. What is this man? I really need to cry now and i will really give up hopes on falling in love. Totally no point already since all the guys are the same. and one even treat me like god sister but to what i found out from him, he said he likes me  for quite a long time already. i mean like if you like me, you should have said and shouldn't take the god-sister's title into a crush title. you get what i mean? You taking granted of what i give you as a god brother and things end up like this then starts to blame me? Thanks uh! Honestly i don't know what life i'm leading now. But i just hope for the best for everything i have in life now! I was right to say that i should stop falling in love for the next 4 years.

About my life.

My life has been a great one nowadays but i literally break down today. Didn't know what causes me to have this kind of thinking. I just feel like crying on someone's shoulder but no shoulder for me to cry on. I started to feel that i making my friends feel so burden because they got to cheer me up and stuff, which i really appreciated it. Maybe i should just not be too open to how i feel on my friends. Maybe i should just keep things to myself so that i won't make my friends so burden. I can't find anyone to share my problems with. It's easier to say but hard to be done. Even my best frens also doesn't know all my problems. A few of my friends is the called "hi and bye friends". I imagine how my friends all could just ignore my whatsapp. Does you all know how i really feel? I hate when my whatsapp was being ignored and i end up giving myself excuse saying that you all are busy that's why you all never reply my whatsapp. But you all de last seen was the time after i send and you all didn't even bother to reply me. This feeling is just great. You know? Posting things on this blog is like i'm really talking to myself. No one would bother about me. You all have not seen how much i have been through in my life. Almost cried while typing this. Jessie, you got to be strong and not let this little challenge make you break down. Just cheer up okay? I know you can do it! JIAYOU! :)

To: LOUIS TAN HUI HIANG! :)

you are like the power i nid to smile. you said you liked my smile and that is the reason why im still so positive now. :) i never regret to love you and its a first sight in love. one look at you, i fall for you. you are just too hot for me. you make me melts. sometimes you are like an small kids and you indeed still have a small kids face but nevertheless, i still like it! coz its so cute! :) we have so many things in common, its just wasted that we are not couple. i can wait for you but the qns is do you want me to wait for you? i willing to wait for you, no matter what coz you are the prefect one that im looking for. even though, you are not that prefect but in my eyes you are all prefect. :) i hope the world don't end as i will keep on waiting for you and i wanna give you a love letter and an fav chocolate of yours on ur birthday! i dont know what you are thinking now. are you falling for me? or are you just treating me as a fren? this is my first time to be so into falling inlove with you. i know its abit mushy but who cares right? you bright up my world like no one do! :) ily iloveyou i love you i l o v e y o u!

To: LOUIS TAN HUI HIANG! :'( you won't get to read this blog coz you dont have my blog address.

Now its just hard to continue with this life of mine. I still dont get it, do you still like me or not? or you like me as a fren only? i am tired and giving up on my love life already. When i want to move on, you have some reasons to make me for fall you again. When i fall for you again, i wanna move on. How i wish i could delete all this feelings for you. Seriously lah! You guys does not know how it really feels like to leave me alone. I'm sick and tired to continue to live. Here, i'm officially saying that i'm giving up my lovelife. I does not know whether to write a love letter to you on ur birthday or not. I guess i will just write the love letter for you. You want to throw away that letter also can. You want to keep the letter also can. Most properly, you will keep that letter. In that letter, it gonna be how i feel and i hopes we can be best fren even if we can't be bf and gf. If next time i were to give up of you already, then suddenly you came back to me. I won't really accept you again or maybe see how. 

oh well, so many things happening now.. first is i have being left alone all the times! no matter where am i! and no one could really understand me! so ya.. and second is i had a crush on a guy but its turn out to be the facts that he had a crush on another girl.. :( what is this? im tired of trying to fall in love and i hate the part where my fren say not always guys will be the one to ask for stead.. well, i giving up on falling in love now.. coz nothing is going smooth for me.. its all my fate to end up like this.. god, can you let the right person come to my life and make my life abit better? :(

Well, its 8 days after my birthday! :)   but things are making me very sad and wish to find out the reason.. firstly, you do all this things when im forgetting you! secondly, must you work at the same place as me?! :( after all i want to find out what's ur problem with me! :'( you like me or not! i wish i could face to face talk to you! but its not time yet! :( why can't i just talk to you? i freaking hate you! when im forgetting you then you make things that got to do with you.. then after all my question to you is that do you ever like me before?! i always give too much hope on you and that's what i get back? i don't want it to turn out to be a bad thing! coz my frens has been asking me if i want to know someone else.. which is like mix & match.. i hate it when they ask me when im gonna get into relationship and i hate it when they keep asking me if i want them to find a guy for me! but actually there's no need to find coz there's already one deep in my heart!

like seriously?! i got a sense that you like me but why did this kind of things happen to me?! i feel like crying sia :( ! every time i just hope not to saw you appearing in front of me.. and now what? i don't feel like taking a look at you then you appear in front of me?! you're a very weird guy! many frens ask me to forget about him! i know he is not worth me to cry for.. but ITS HARD! when i have a crush on a guy, it would just be the fact that the guy won't like me.. many of my frens is always asking me when i gonna get a boyfriend! how im suppose to answer them? tell them i cant find the right guy yet?! also i have to change the topic when my fren asking me about this question! now that you want to let the whole world know that i like you is it!! can you just have some heart.. stop spreading things to ur fren about me!! something im thinking, is it because of the way i look like then no one like me? i can sense that he is thinking like that! now i fucking want to forget him! like for life sia! then now you are doing things which makes me remember and flash back memories about you!!  I ALWAYS WISH THAT YOU COULD READ THIS! AND STOP BEEN A HEARTLESS GUY JUST LIKE YOUR FRENS! I DON'T CARE IF YOU READ THIS OR NOT! COZ I WANT TO TELL YOU HOW HARD YOU HAVE MAKE ME HURT!! WHY MUST MY LIFE TO BE LIKE THAT! IF I CAN CHOOSE I WOULD NOT WANT TO KNOW  ABOUT YOU! :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(  :(   :( !!!!